I asked God to give me the courage to seek help
Mth Pauline Smith, Team Vicar at Benefice of Eglwysilan and Caerphilly, blogs about her personal experience with anxiety and depression.
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I suffer from anxiety and depression. Although for many years I have ignored this, stubbornly determined to carry on regardless. I felt that as a Christian and a priest in the Church in Wales, I should not need any help, that my prayers should be enough. Besides, what would people think of a priest who had mental health issues?
Would I be criticised for not having a strong prayer life, or perhaps a weak faith? I decided to hide my struggle from others as I felt too embarrassed to speak about it openly. I quietly battled against the negative thoughts and made sure to leave the house with a smile.
Eventually things got a bit too difficult, I could no longer control the inner scream. Going outside became harder and journeys difficult. Self-esteem hit rock bottom and my self-help mechanisms no longer worked for me.
![Mental Health Awareness Week is 18th to the 24th May 2020](https://llandaff.contentfiles.net/media/images/160420-MHAW-Kindness-Twitter.width-1200.jpg)
During my private prayer, I asked God to give me the courage to seek the help I needed, thankfully prayers were answered, and I made an appointment with my doctor that week. I found that the appointment was not as I had feared, and my doctor was in fact very understanding.
God sometimes answers prayer in a way we least expect. In my case it was by convincing me to seek out help, using the tools God had already provided.
![Candle being lit](https://llandaff.contentfiles.net/media/images/candle-2738529_1920.width-1200.jpg)
My hope is that the fear and the stigma attached to mental health issues will one day become a thing of the past, and that we will become more accepting and supportive of those who struggle with mental health.
Blessings
Mother Pauline