"Love means never having to say you’re sorry’ is, in my professional opinion, complete and utter tosh." -A reflection on Love

In our final Advent reflection Rev'd Ian Hodges, our Diocesan Director of Ordinands, reflects on how a 1970s film gets it wrong, and when it comes to love one word just isn't enough...

Do you remember that quote from many years ago that went something like “Love means never having to say you're sorry.” It’s apparently a catchphrase based on a line from the novel Love Story which was popularised by its 1970 film adaptation starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal.

So famous was it that in 2005, it was voted number 13 in the American Film Institute's list of 100 Best Movie Quotes. All well and good, but the fact of the matter is that this quote taken as advice for life is, in my professional opinion, complete and utter tosh. Love is many things, but the thing it is not is a reason to get out of saying sorry when needs be.

In the English language when we speak of love it brings together many ideas and emotions and thoughts all in one simple little word - love. If you compare it with the Greek language of Jesus day though you will find that one word is not enough. In the Greek vocabulary it is so important that there are four words:

Storge which captures the idea of the love your parents give to you to ground you. You need it to be healthy as a human.

Philia which is friendship love. It’s exploring the world through other people. You need it to grow as a human.

Eros which is the kind of love when the lights have gone out. It’s needed to continue the human race.

And finally Agape which is when you are loved without condition or you love without condition. This is the love that keeps the world spinning.

Love type number four, agape, is the most amazing thing in the whole world. It’s a love that is seen in so called ‘you before me’ activity and it is often said to be epitomised when we ponder Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. Exemplified at Eastertide when we learn that Jesus never sinned in all his human life but hung there for us so we could be forgiven our sins and the road to a relationship with God could be recovered.

That said, for me the most amazing act of agape love, the most fascinating ‘you before me’ activity that you see in the scriptures, occurs not on Skull hill just outside Jerusalem but in the stable at Bethlehem. The willing act of Jesus on the cross was necessary, please don’t get me wrong or mishear me, but that same wiling act of love on the cross began with Jesus being born into the world as a baby.

It began with a place in heaven being put to one side for a mission to earth that needed a manger.

It began with our saviour entering the world through a miraculous metaphorical door that said ‘No Entry’.

It began with the author of time stepping into our time and space for a season.

For me then, maybe the greatest act of love, of agape activity, of ‘you before me’ that the world has ever witnessed was 2000 years ago, in the animal resting house, at the rear of the inn, in Royal David's City, where God’s plan to save the world was unapologetically born.