Journeys of Faith: Rob’s Story

A note- Rob’s story contains details of addiction and attempted suicide, which some people may find distressing.

My journey with God didn’t start until I was 45 and although as I look back I can see that he was there with me all the time I could not see it for my own biases, egoism, fear and downright belligerent denial.

They say seeing is believing, but I say I see because I believe.

God has done for me, that which I could not do for myself.

Let me go back a bit March 1st 2021, was a pivotal day for me, a day that felt like the end but turned into a new beginning. I was taken to A&E with a suspected stroke, but what my loved ones didn't know was that I was four years deep into my cocaine addiction and had completely lost control of my life.

Despite a very near suicide attempt, I continued to believe that I could manage it on my own. As I reflect on that suicide attempt, I know see that God showed me a picture book of life after my suicide. I literally saw the future flash before my eyes and couldn’t go through with it. In A&E, they started running tests, and as addicts do, I convinced myself that I had a stroke, ignoring the massive amounts of alcohol, drugs, and sleeping pills I had consumed. When the tests showed it wasn't a stroke and the nurse did a further examination of me, she declared that I needed to change my life, or I was going to die.

Addiction is the only fight you must lose to win. It sounds like an oxymoron, but surrendering to win is an amazing thing. I had just been fighting it on my own, and that scare was the kickstart I needed to seek help.

I found Cocaine Anonymous, a program I had avoided because of my fear of the word 'God.' Through the program and the Big Book, I have found freedom, rediscovered myself, and ultimately found a kind and loving God of my own understanding. The Big Book's teachings, especially those about acceptance, humility, and reliance on a higher power, have been pivotal in my recovery. Learning to "turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him" (Step 3) and practicing "rigorous honesty" (Step 1) have fundamentally changed my life.

Working through the steps has been a cornerstone of my recovery. Admitting my powerlessness over my addiction (Step 1) and coming to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity (Step 2) were crucial first steps. Making a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God (Step 3) brought me a peace and direction I had never known.

Conducting a fearless moral inventory (Step 4) and admitting my wrongs to God, myself, and another human being (Step 5) helped me shed the burdens of guilt and shame. Becoming ready to have God remove my defects of character (Step 6) and humbly asking Him to do so (Step 7) have been ongoing processes of spiritual growth. Making amends to those I had harmed (Steps 8 and 9) has been transformative for my relationships. Continuing to take personal inventory and promptly admitting when I am wrong (Step 10) keeps me accountable. Seeking through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God (Step 11) strengthens my spiritual foundation.

The Big Book's emphasis on spiritual awakening as a result of these steps has been crucial for me. While some experience a sudden and profound alteration, I identify more with what William James referred to as the "educational variety" of spiritual experience.

My faith has fundamentally changed me beyond recognition. It has brought me a sense of peace and serenity that I never found in drugs or self-will. My entire outlook on life has shifted from one of desperation and emptiness to one of hope and purpose. I have learned to rely on God's strength rather than my own, and this has transformed how I approach challenges and relationships. understanding and effectiveness. "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs" (Step 12).

This understanding of God grows every day as I grow as a person. I couldn't have done this without the transformative, infinite power of God. Baptism is my way of affirming my faith in God and showing that this new path is my choice, my commitment to a life transformed by His grace. My faith has given me a deeper sense of meaning and has been the anchor that keeps me grounded and hopeful.

I decided to get baptised to affirm my faith in God as my own conscious choice. For me, baptism solidified my relationship with God and symbolises my acceptance of His grace. It represents an opportunity to publicly confess that Jesus is my Lord and Saviour.

This decision marks an important step in my spiritual journey, highlighting my commitment to living a life guided by God's love and teachings. I would say: "Take the step to explore your curiosity. Jesus offers a love and peace that is unlike anything else. Open your heart to the possibility of His presence in your life. Attend a service, read the Bible, or talk to someone about their faith journey. You might find that the questions you have lead you to a deeper understanding and a fulfilling relationship with God. Remember, faith is a journey, and every step you take brings you closer to discovering the transformative power of God's love.

My faith informs my daily life in profound ways. It has taught me to let go of my false self—the part of me that chases power, prestige, and possessions. These things, while somewhat practical, are transient and only serve to inflate the ego. By releasing this false self, I've embraced my true self, guided by God's love and grace. My faith shapes my decisions, interactions, and priorities, focusing on what truly matters: love, compassion, and humility. It provides me with a sense of purpose and peace, helping me navigate challenges with trust in God's plan and find joy in everyday moments.

To someone curious about Jesus and on the periphery of the church, I’d say, take the step to explore your curiosity. Jesus offers a love and peace that is unlike anything else. Open your heart to the possibility of His presence in your life. Attend a service, read the Bible, or talk to someone about their faith journey. You might find that the questions you have lead you to a deeper understanding and a fulfilling relationship with God. Remember, faith is a journey, and every step you take brings you closer to discovering the transformative power of God's love.

If you need help or support with addiction contact:

Cocaine Anonymous: 0800 612 0225

Alcoholics Anonymous: 0800 917 7650

Gambling Anonymous: 0300 094 032